Chapter Nine

Helena Handbasket and Buddy Sattva first met at the law office of her cousin Philip.

                “Philip Handbasket, Philip A. Handbasket” he would specify when introducing himself, emphasizing the A and laughing at his own joke, fixing the other person with his steely gaze in such a way that one could hardly not join in laughing, carefully, just a little, just this once, laughing together over the odd name. After that, Mr. Handbasket was all business and any further jokes about his name would be met only with a dark look.

                Buddy was consulting Philip about his dispute with the county. Rather than press theft charges over the matter of a boxcar they weren’t even sure they owned, county officials chose a more provable charge and slapped him with a fine for Unpermitted Property Improvements.

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                Although Philip A. Handbasket, Esq., preferred duck and merlot to deer and beer, the case appealed to his sense of justice. Besides, he’d take any case that offered a chance to screw over local government. He listened to Buddy coolly, but inside he burned with the grudge he held after his own spectacularly unsuccessful run for public office was derailed by rumors of his torrid affair with Perra Cabrona. As Buddy droned on Philip remembered how at the press conference he stood weeping righteous tears, with his arm around his lovely wife and accompanied by their 2.3 children, stiffly withdrawing from the race “to prevent any further scurrilious [sic] attacks on my family’s good name!”

                The cameras snapped, his family returned to their white-columned home, and Philip headed over to Perra’s singlewide for consolation.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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