(This blog is dedicated to Keven)
It’s sum-sum-sum-sum-summertime, the perfect season for outdoor music festivals and fun in the sun. But if you want to party hearty and still hang all day and night, the Old Lady has a little advice for you:
- DRINK WATER. Seems obvious, so why isn’t everybody swigging H2O? Because beer is better, of course. But here’s the deal, kids: if you’ll chug a full bottle of water between every two or three beers you can stay upright longer and feel better the next day.
- EAT FOOD. Another obvious tip, but easy to neglect. Carry some high protein snacks in your pockets, like nuts; they’re cheap and salty and will make you want to drink more water. Chunks of raw cucumber and watermelon will actually help you tolerate the heat better (this is Chinese medicine, proven over the centuries). Chips… well, if you just won’t eat anything else, okay at least it’s something, but make it corn chips or something multigrain. Here’s the bottom line, kids: if you keep some food in your tummy, you can actually drink more beer before you pass out or throw up. The Old Lady should know. But…
- DON’T EAT BEFORE YOU PERFORM. Eat earlier in the day, but nothing during the hour before your band goes on. The Old Lady never eats right before she performs (you say you didn’t know the Old Lady performs? “There’s a lot you don’t know,” snapped the Old Lady peevishly, “whaddya think, I spill ALL of my secrets here on this dadgum blog?”). Food in the stomach weighs down your mind, your vocal cords, and your body. Save that burger until later, to celebrate your stellar performance.
- WEAR SUNSCREEN. At the recent Elderfest the Old Lady photographed some tattoos that were more faded than they should have been. Protect your investment in ink with sunscreen. Sunscreen on the rest of you will prevent sunburn (it will NOT keep you from tanning, chickies!); sunburn dehydrates you and keeps you from partying on into the night.
- IF THERE IS A LAKE JUMP IN IT. Immersing your body in the nearest body of water helps cool you and invigorate you. Take advantage of it!
The Old Lady wants everybody to have as much fun as humanly possible, so think about these tips and take care of your body so you can mosh like a mo-fo. LISTEN TO THE OLD LADY!